Tag Archives: parenting

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What I Learned from My First Homework Assignment in 16 Years

A Letter to My Middle-schooler's Teacher

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I got home from work a couple of weeks ago, and my wife informed me as I walked through the door that I had a homework assignment.

What?!

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Last week, I announced the formation of Massimo University with my friend and partner, Rod Santomassimo. As a way of marking this new venture, I have produced a free video training series on creating digital presence. You can access this free training by Clicking Here. And it is only up for the next 8 days…

My oldest son is in middle school. One of his teachers sent home an assignment called “In a Million Words or Less…” The idea was for us – as parents – to tell the teacher what she needs to know about our son.

The premise of this assignment was heartwarming. She explained that she simply does not get to know every student like she would like – especially the introverted ones. She wants to be able to tailor her teaching to the student (she calls them scholars).

I very much appreciate that!

My wife also shared with me that I was going to get to do this as the “writer” in our marriage. (My wife could be an incredible writer if she wanted to be, by the way.)

So I sat down to write the following letter. Before I share it with you, I want to challenge you to do a couple of things:

  1. Become a student of your child(ren) – I have 3 children and they are completely different. I don’t want to parent them the same. I want to understand them and get on their level. I want to know how best to communicate with them. I want to relate to them on their level.
  2. Understand a little about personalities – Luckily (or providentially), my sister is a Meyers-Briggs consultant with her own business. She’s incredible. And she has taught me a bit about personalities. This has opened up to me a world of possibilities in parenting my kids. As a result of this knowledge, I think I will be able to avoid some mistakes that would have led to some scar tissue on their hearts.
  3. Support their teachers – You don’t have perfect kids. I don’t have perfect kids. Your children’s teachers have a very difficult job. They are overworked and underpaid. They don’t need crazy parents blaming them for everything their children do wrong. That doesn’t help the teachers. It certainly doesn’t help your children.
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The 30 Tools I Use For Productivity, Blogging, Social Media, & Travel (18 are free!)

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I don’t know how many times I’ve said – “I wish I had more hours in the day!”

I’m sure you’ve had that sentiment as well.  Alas, 24 hours a day is all we get.  That isn’t going to change.  What can change is how much you can squeeze out of each hour.

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Before I go on, I want to make this point.  I’m not advocating becoming a workaholic – or even feeding that addiction.  I’m talking about getting more work done faster.  I’m talking about being able to have more time for what really matter.  Time for your family.  Time to take care of your health.  Time for self-development.  Time for care for your spiritual health.

Some of the most valuable posts I’ve ever read have been on the subject of productivity.  I consume that kind of information.  Everything I’ve learned about productivity apps has come from others or just tinkering with them.  All I’ve learned about traveling efficiently comes from experience and what others have shared with me.

So here is my resource list of the 30 tools I use on a regular basis to squeeze more out of every day.  I’m going to give you the highlights here, and you will be able to download it at the end of the post.

Productivity

When I did my reader survey last month, the subject of productivity was the number one topic of choice.  In this section, I give you my favorite free and paid tools for increasing your productivity.  And here’s a little hint – 1password and Tripit are completely awesome.  Awesome!

Blogging

Blogging has revolutionized my online presence.  It is not easy to do.  But it is so worth it.  The key to blogging well over time is to systematize it.  I have a few templates that I use for most posts.  It saves me a ton of time.  These are the tools I use to build my email list, optimize for SEO, etc.  These tools will save you a ton of time and allow you to maximize your ROI.

Social Media

I’m almost sick of social media.  I believe most people have accepted that social media provides value – sometimes a ton of it.  Though I’m sick of talking about, I use it everyday.  And if you’ve never heard or used BufferApp, you need to check this section out.

Travel

I traveled a ton for work last year.  I think I was on 65 airplanes.  If there is one thing I’m good at, it is navigating airports.  Traveling is a drain on your energy no matter who you are.  Being able to minimize the frustrations of travel while remaining productive saved me a tremendous amount of stress.  These are the tools I used to do it.

Bonus Section:  Recommended Books

As a bonus, I’ve included some of my favorite books in the following categories:

  • Platform building
  • Productivity
  • Business
  • Leadership
  • Stewardship
  • Parenting
  • Marriage
  • Commercial Real Estate
  • And others…

These are books that I’ve read and personally recommend.  I’m no expert in any of these subjects.  However, these are books that have helped me grow in these areas.

To download your copy of this free resource list, simply click the button below!

Download Your Free Resource List

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8 Great Ideas to Be a Better Parent – Pt. 2

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A month ago, I wrote a post on 8 Great Ideas to Be a Better Parent – Part 1.  This is the second half of that post.

I was putting the boys to bed last night, and they asked me to tell them a story.  There is just something about stories.  They suck you in.  A good story-teller can take you into their world.  They can transport you into another place.

My beautiful wife and 2 youngest

My beautiful wife and 2 youngest

I shared with my boys a story from boot camp.  I had about a dozen guys from Puerto Rico in my platoon.  While we were at the tropical paradise of Parris Island, a hurricane hit Puerto Rico.  The guys in my platoon were concerned – as you would imagine.  However, they made a mistake.  They went to a Puerto Rican Senior Drill Instructor for information – from another platoon.  Going outside our platoon brought serious consequences.

The next afternoon, my platoon was practicing drill on the parade deck with that other platoon.  Before I know it, the Puerto Rican guys in my platoon – and me! – are kicked out of my platoon and sent to the other platoon.  Imagine what this looked like.  A dozen Puerto Ricans and a white boy from Kentucky walk across a large parade deck with all of our gear and our rifles.  When we get there, that Senior Drill Instructor looks at us and sends us back.  When we get back to our platoon, we are told to go back to other platoon.  For an hour, we bounce back and forth like a dozen ping-pong balls.

So why was I included with my Puerto Rican brothers?  I have no clue.  My boys were so enthralled about the past of their daddy, they have been asking me all day what I did.  They were enthralled by power of a story.

The previous post shared the first four ideas:  love your spouse, become a student of your children, pursue the hearts of your kids, and develop your family culture.  Here are the second four ideas for being a better parent.

Share Stories

In conjunction with developing your family culture, stories are a great way to communicate and strengthen the values of your family.  Share with your children stories of your past when you endured.  Tell a story about how you paid a price for doing the right thing – and why it was worth it.  Stories knit together hearts.  Stories demonstrate how values and principles play out in real life.  They are powerful.

Apologize

Me and the Beast

Me and the Beast

There is nothing more effective, in my opinion, then apologizing to our children.  I spoke about pursuing the hearts of our children before.  The truth is, we are going to make mistakes as parents.  We are going to act in anger.  We are going to have a bad day and dump on our kids.  These mistakes break the trust we are trying to build and strengthen with our children.  When we apologize for these mistakes, apologize, and seek the forgiveness of our children, we can restore this trust.  This also allows our children to see what they should do when they make mistakes.  Don’t be too proud or act like you never make any mistakes.  Humble yourselves and apologize.

Be Intentional About the Relationships with Your Children

I have two great friends that do this so well.  One has 5 children and one is expecting their 7th.  Each of these world-class dad’s have a special night with each child each month.  This practice seriously helps becoming a student of your children and pursuing their hearts.  I need to do better here.  Know your children.  If I spend a special evening with each of my children once a month, I need to do what they like.  I can take my oldest son to play basketball, and he is in heaven.  If I do the same with my middle son, I am going to miss his sweet spot.

Spend Time

Dads are especially not good at this.  It is in our nature to provide.  We naturally see our role in the family as protecting and giving our family what they need – and want.  We too often find our identities in our work.  Our children equate time with love.  Don’t believe the lie that says, “You are a good dad because you just provide.”  Our children need us to be with them.

So here is some food for thought on how we can be better parents.  What would you add?  Let us know in the comments below!

 

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A Letter to My Kids

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This blog is about next practices – next practices in life, business and commercial real estate.  While I tend to post more about business and CRE, I’ve had a number of triggers that led to this post.  I realize that not everyone shares my faith and my worldview.  This is how I look at life, and this post will be a little more personal than most.

iStockPhoto.com

iStockPhoto.com

To set this up, let me back up a bit.

In 2003, my great friend Mike Arnett stayed with our family for a month two different times.  He was completing medical rotations at the hospital on the Army based I was stationed at the time.  I would notice him writing in a notebook on a regular basis.  He was writing to his children.  He had two at the time.  He and his wife are now expecting their 7th (not a typo).

I started journaling to my son shortly after.  I would write about my observations of him.  I would write what was going on with me.  The idea was that when he was older, I could give him something that would tell his story.  It would also give him a view into his daddy’s heart.  I now have 3 of these notebooks – one for each child – and they all need to be updated.

I am part of a men’s group that meets on Thursdays.  We talk about our faith.  We meet to help each other lead our companies and our families better.  These are incredible guys, and I’m a better man because of their influence.  In January, one of these men shared that he wrote a letter to his children when they were young.  The letter was about all the things that he hoped for them.  I was inspired and remembered thinking that I wanted to do the same.

Then today, I was listening to a podcast from a new friend that I met last week at the Platform Conference in Nashville. Dan Hayes and his wife have a great podcast called The Simple Life Together.  I highly recommend it.  He was sharing that he wrote a letter to his son before he deployed after 9/11.  His purpose was to communicate to his son all that he would want him to know should he not return.  Again, I was inspired.

So, here is a not so short letter to my children.  I share this because I believe intentionally communicating with our children what they should know is a great idea.  Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life, but it could also be my last.  I want to intentionally take steps to share certain things with my children that could make a huge difference in their lives.  I share this to encourage you to do the same.

 

Kiddos,

I love you.  In fact, each of you have helped redefine what love means to me.  At each of your births, I remember knowing that you deserved a better dad than I was that day.  God has used all three of you to refine me, and I’m sure that He will continue to do so.

When you boil life down to its core, relationships are the only things that matter and that last for eternity.  It is not about how much you know, how much you make, or how successful you are.  It is about how you made life better for others.

I submit to you that the most important thing is your relationship with Jesus.  It is the most important thing to your mother and me.  I want you to see this in our lives – not just hear it from our lips.  The world will tell you one thing.  Many different theologies, denominations, and religions will tell you it is about something else.  I’m telling you that it is about love.  God loved you enough to create you just as you are.  Then He loved you enough to buy you back through His Son.  He loves you, and so do I.

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Will – You are so intelligent.  You are athletically gifted.  You have such a passion and a desire to succeed.  You want to please people.  You are a natural leader, and I can see how others are attracted to you.  You will have the ability and opportunity to hugely impact the lives of others in a positive way.  I want you to know that I care more about your character than your success or achievements.  I want you to know that you are unconditionally loved.  I love you not because of your achievement, but because you are my son.  That will never change – no matter what!  I want you to maximize your potential, but whether you do or not has no bearing on my love for you.  Remember to slow down and enjoy the ride.

Ben – You are the flavor of our family.  You see the world in possibilities.  Your creativity and imagination blow me away.  You inspire.  You keep us laughing constantly.  You have to be responsible for the majority of my smiles.  You are a non-conformist and your give-a-darn is completely broken.  I love that about you.  Do not let school, society, or me take away your creativity and personality.  Don’t let us suck away your passion and zeal for life.  I also don’t want you to get kicked out of school.  You have the ability to bring joy and life to the lives of the people who are blessed to know you.  Continue delivering smiles.  You belong in this family.  And I love you – no matter what!

Maddie – You are as tough as nails, and as girlie as they come at the same time.  And I love that about you!  You absolutely delight me.  I love how you light up when you see me.  I love how you run and give me a hug when I come home from a trip.  I love how you want to sing a song with me every night at bedtime.  I love that you asked me to marry you the other night.  I want you to know that you are beautiful.  I want to be a safe place for your heart.  In fact, I will protect your heart until it is time.  And when that day comes, I will give it back to you so you can give it to a blessed young man.  I see the best qualities of your mother in you.  You love people.  You already have deep friendships.  You constantly make those around you feel like a million bucks.  You have me wrapped.  Regardless of what may happen in the future, you are my daughter, and I love you – no matter what!

You three completely rock!  Love, Dad.

So what would you say to your kids?  What would it have meant to have received this sort of letter from your father?  Let me hear from you in the comments section below.

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8 Great Ideas to Be a Better Parent – Part 1

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A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post on what I’d learned from my 12 years of marriage.  At that point, it was my most read post.  That was a pleasant surprise.  However, when my kids saw the picture of their mom on my blog, they asked me to write a post where I could use their pictures.  So this post is for them.

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I remember when my wife told me that we were pregnant for the first time.  I was so excited.  I was also terrified.  I instantly realized that my child needed me to be a better man than I was at that moment.  This was an absolute defining moment for me.  It changed me.  I became dedicated to becoming that kind of dad.  I became serious about my faith.  Everything changed.

I’m certainly no expert in parenting, but I have learned some things.  Here are the first 4 keys to being a rock star parent.

Love Your Wife

I don’t think there is anything greater you can do for your kids then to give them the security of knowing their parents have a strong marriage.  Enough said on this one.

Become a Student of Your Children

“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” ~ Prov 22:6

IMG_6746 copyI’ve heard this verse quoted by many parents with wayward children trusting that this verse means they will come back to the faith.  I’m not sure that is what this verse is talking about.  I don’t think the bible teaches that parents have the ability to parent in such a way that guarantees the salvation of their children.

I think this means that parents have the responsibility to help their children reach their potential.  This means that parents must be students of their children.  What are their natural abilities?  What are their passions?  It is like a great puzzle.  I ask my boys all the time what they love doing.

If your kid is creative, champion that in them.  My oldest is very competitive, so I play sports with him all the time.  Do whatever you can to help your kids grow towards their potential.  This does not mean making them into what you are passionate about.  This is not about you.

Pursue the Hearts of Your Children

This idea is nebulous, but you want access to your children’s hearts.  Are you a safe place for them to really share what is going on with them at a heart level?  I want to suggest that you only get a few chances when your kids will open up the windows of their hearts and give you access.  If you are a safe place for them, they will give you the key to their hearts forever.

IMG_6855 bwcopyTwo things can revoke this access quicker than anything:  anger and teasing.  If your child shares a heart-level secret with you and you get angry – access revoked.  If your son shares with you his feelings for a young lady, and you tease him, he’ll never share it with you again.

Pursue their hearts.  Gain and treasure that access.  Protect it!  Be that safe place.

Develop Your Family Culture

Developing a family culture gives your kids an identity.  Here are some things that we do together as family:

  • We eat together almost every night.
  • We pray together every night – rotating between the 3 kids’ rooms.
  • We share and reinforce the same values – honesty, a strong work ethic, risk-taking, caring for each other.
  • We play together – sports, coloring, building Lego’s, hanging out together on the couch watching The Biggest Loser, etc…

Later this week or maybe next, I’ll share with you the next four ideas.  In the meantime, share with us a great idea from your experience as a child or a parent.  What is your favorite memory with your parents?  What would you add to this list?  Comment below!

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